TV Party

Rock of Love-Bret Michaels (VH1) Episode 2

The most recent offering of Bret and crew doesn’t disappoint in the same rubbernecking way as most of the Celebreality shows on VH1. Who doesn’t want to see these crazy women fighting over some guy they don’t even really know and chances are won’t even like!? It’s just for the chance to say they bedded Bret Michaels, which 15 years ago might have been a big deal. Frankly, he’s not doing himself a favor with this show, most of these women are just trashy and rather skanky. There are a few that I think would actually be girlfriend material but it then makes me wonder why they would be on a show like this? Faith, one who went home last night, just seemed like your average nice girl. Well, if your average girl has a degree in Chemistry. No spandex, no whore hair, no implants, just a nice girl. When she was walking out she did say for the cameras that she was too good for Bret and yeah…I think so too.

They have separated themselves into two camps, the self proclaimed “A-Team” and “Varsity Squad” and those are the most trashy, most stripper-like, party girls. Making out with each other, drinking in the morning, clothes that a stripper would envy (and not an exotic dancer mind you, just a stripper) and the class of a trailer park resident. Heather is the ‘captain’ of the squad and frequently winds everyone up and works the stripper pole.(because every rock star house has one, right?) Lacey, with her fake dyed burgundy hair and her lip ring, is just the meanest in the house. Quite often you can hear her say how she’s going to get these bitches out one by one so she can have her man with a psychotic grin on her face. And the Barbie Twins, Brandi and Kristia, who have the combined IQ of 100 and those fake squeaky voices that men fall for and women cringe at. These women speak of Bret as the prize, as their man…. perhaps they deserve him.

The other group, are the more intelligent and less catty of the bunch. Jes, is young, she’s a cosmetologist and refuses to pander for Bret or the cameras. Magdelena, the 6’3” Pole who was once in the Navy. Erin, the honors college grad with very big, very fake Jordan Price boobs. While Erin looks like she should be in the A-Team, she’s much too smart for that. Dallas, the princess of the bunch, is totally on a mission to ruin Lacey’s day. She taunts her about wearing animals and eating meat much to Lacey, the PETA members chagrin. Lacey seriously wants to take Dallas out, and it’s hysterical to watch. It’s plain to see that Dallas is LOVIN’ the reactions. She told Lacey, ‘If there was an animal in here, I’d slit it’s throat’ . Whether or not she means it…it’s brilliant TV to see the steam coming from Lacey’s ears while Dallas sits there calmly and sweetly smiles.

The nights little task was phone sex, yeah…that’s right. They hooked some machine up to Bret’s ….member… to measure blood flow. Is there really such a thing? Then each girl had to talk to him on the phone while he was in another room, some of them where just down right nasty and some were very reserved and could have been talking to their mothers. The 3 who instigated the most flow, got to go on a date with Bret. The date was to a recording studio to add vocals (or moaning as the case might be) to one of his tracks. Lacey, who is a musician, was over the moon about it and I’m sure that’s her only reason for being there. Rodeo, the formerly paralyzed personal trainer- who is more manly than Bret, thought she deserved a Grammy for her performance and Erin, who was very upfront in her lack of musical talent, just moaned and talked dirty.

These are some hardcore bitches, and it’s fun to watch. There is no real value of this show, but who cares!? I’m just waiting for the drunken bitch catfights, because I know it’s gonna happen. It’s LCD TV- Lowest Common Denominator….and it’s entertaining as hell.


Recently on Ink 19...

Greg Hoy

Greg Hoy

Interviews

Fascinated by the arcane world of musical gear, Randy Radic spoke with dyed-in-the-wool gearhead Greg Hoy about his setup on new EP Holy Mother of God, how he produces his unique sound, and a gear-gone-wrong moment.

Joe Jackson

Joe Jackson

Event Reviews

Joe Jackson brought his Two Rounds of Racket tour to the Lincoln Theatre in Washington D.C. on Monday. Bob Pomeroy was in the area and caught the show.

Matías Meyer

Matías Meyer

Interviews

With only a week to go before powerful new feature Louis Riel or Heaven Touches The Earth premieres in the Main Slate at UNAM International Film Festival, Lily and Generoso sat down for an in-depth conversation with the film’s director, Matías Meyer.

Mostly True

Mostly True

Print Reviews

Carl F. Gauze reviews the fascinating Mostly True: The West’s Most Popular Hobo Graffiti Magazine, a chronicle of forgotten outsider subculture.

The Tin Star

The Tin Star

Screen Reviews

Anthony Mann’s gorgeous monochrome western, The Tin Star, may have been shot in black and white, but its themes are never that easily defined.