The Feldman Dynamic 15th Anniversary (Part of #BFP15)
Stardust Video, Winter Park, FL
Created by Bryan Feldman
Starring Ed, Adriene, Marylyn, and Brian Feldman
March 8, 2019
Either I got there too early, or the Feldman clan ran very late. Stardust Video was rather quiet; a few laptops were out, and a few hipsters hung out including a guy with a creepy resemblance to Ink19’s almighty webmaster Ian. But the vibe was soporific, and I know to hang out in situations like this and wait for art to occur. After while a guy showed up who looked suspicious like a new comer, and he was clearly looking for an Art Event.
I eventually struck up and conversation with this gent as the silence had become awkward. He had a concise accent that indicated a northern European origin, maybe Denmark or perhaps Sweden. He said he enjoyed performing rap ukulele, and tonight his girlfriend wanted to have dinner in Orlando. Could he find her a restaurant, and no, he could NOT join her. Even I can see a bad storm rising. We chatted about theater and spectacle and the transformational rituals invoked to leave the mundane world and pass through various portals as we head to church or sports or theater. Or even attending a Feldman event. I had a beer. I felt I deserved it.
Feldman’s stage manager and sister Adrian was there already, and she reported the rest of the clans was inbound but experiencing turbulence. Euro guy and I found some other Feldman acolytes and chatted about art. Other regulars trickled in. Thomas Thorspecken set up in a corner, Tisse Mallon wrangled the door, and I had another beer.
Let the kosher deconstruction begin! Plates of nachos and bowls of Publix Hummus and other semi-kosher items appeared. Small lights highlighted the food, and Brian made kosher-like wine with grape candy and tap water. There’s no script, except what happened to everyone that day. It’s small talk, the stuff we say when dining with friends or relatives. We learn eating nachos with a fork is tref. Marilyn reveals her cancer is gone, and we applaud. Ed reports on the effect of playing Disney musicals on the tips he gets working Lyft. “The Lion King” is very profitable. Feldman produces a fantasy Washington Post front page headline: “UnPresidendted.”
I observe Northern European guy, he seems bemused. I write “Welcome to the club” in my program and flash it at him. He seems nervous. The Feldman’s compare “My Fair Lady” and “Dr Strangelove.” Why hasn’t Dr. Strange love become a Broadway musical? Damn near everything else has had “the treatment”. When all the food is gone, a secret Jewish timer in Feldman triggers, and conversation is cut off mid confession. The family stands, bows, and mingles. I bid the audience-ette farewell and wander out into the night.
What conclusions do I reach? There are a few: voyeurism always sells. The Feldman clan represent “Everyman.” They possess strong points and weak points and a dedication to each other despite logic and reason. And of course, you can put anything on stage if you believe in it yourself and act that way in front of the punters. I find myself with 15 years of Feldman experience. It taught me how to write something about nothing, and how to write nothing about something. It’s been an education.
So, what’s next? Brian won’t say, but at this point I feel comfortable making some suggestion, just as Brian feels comfortable sending me elaborate color coded critiques on my description of his “events.”
Here are my suggestions on what Brian ought to do next:
“Brian Feldman gets abducted by aliens.”
“Brian Feldman fails to arrive.”
“Brian Feldman does his taxes.”
“Brian Feldman meets a Jehovah’s Witness.”
“Brian Feldman cleans out your attic.”
“Brian Feldman makes you Such A Deal!”
“Brian Feldman converts.”
“Brian Feldman attempts levitation.”
Stay tuned. I suspect I will be surprised, and you can expect to be as well.
