The Anna Nicole Show

The Anna Nicole Show

E!

I grew up in the Midwest. Back there, we called girls like Ms. Smith “cornfed.” Blond, big boned, and bitchy, these girls knew how to suck start a Case model H. No need for mammarian enhancement, she’s correctly proportioned for a 1950s stripper at a poultryman’s convention. And, like many of the girls floating around in the mid-’70s, Anna seems doped up enough to make it thorough an entire Peter Frampton concert without exhaling. Is this Bad TV? Well, Bad TV is an oxymoron, but The Anna Nicole Show IS a local minima in the complex plane of cable reality TV. No RC death robots, no people clawing for survival by eating tree crabs, just chubmiestress Anna be-bopping around LA with her purple haired assistant Kim. We meet her decorator, Bobby Trendy, who attempts (successfully) to sell Anna a chair as tall as most mid-’60s ranch homes. We are shocked to discover Anna hasn’t had sex in two years. We learn the names of her breasts. We watch her micro-dog Sugar Pie have sex with a stuffed animal. We observe Anna’s bra straps peeking out from her Wal-Mart polyester ultra-stretch top. We hear Anna grieve for her deceased sugar daddy, whose ashes were split in half for some obscure legal reason. We contemplate her hair roots. We notice that either her navel or her clitoris is pierced, but not it’s not clear which — the camera angle is bad. We sympathize with son Daniel, embarrassed by his mother’s mere existence. In short, we enter the demimonde of a woman, who, like Oscar Wilde, is primarily famous for being famous. While I’m pretty certain she has some sort of salable skill, acting, talking, and choosing a lawyer aren’t among them. Oh, wait! I almost forgot! She married a wealthy but really old guy and outlived him! Now THAT IS a day job!

While I can’t really recommend you watch this show, I really can’t recommend you not watch it either. All I can do is comment. Watching The Anna Nicole Show is an adult decision, like taking heroin or not wearing a condom. You can watch the show, and lose just a bit of self-respect. Or you can not watch it, and miss out on this week’s microburst of hype. While addiction is a definite risk, missing the whole joke is an even bigger threat. Anna isn’t particularly shallow or self-absorbed or unlovable, not by LA standards, but she IS on TV and you’re not. And I’ll bet you don’t have a whiny voice. Or $16 gazillion bucks hanging over your head. Or look like an Estonian female weightlifter in the 1968 Olympics. Heck, you’ve probably got a real job, and have to show up on time Monday morning. See? TV can broaden your horizons!

http://www.eonline.com/On/AnnaNicole/

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked with *

Cancel reply

Recently on Ink 19...

  • Sweet Crude
    Sweet Crude

    Créatures (Rhyme and Reason). Review by Bob Pomeroy.

  • Gregg Allman, RIP
    Gregg Allman, RIP

    Michelle Wilson gives tribute to the voice of an angel. Gregg Allman, RIP.

  • Preservation Hall Jazz Band
    Preservation Hall Jazz Band

    So It Is (Legacy). Review by Bob Pomeroy.

  • From Montenegro to Moldova: The Best of SEEFest 2017
    From Montenegro to Moldova: The Best of SEEFest 2017

    For the twelfth year, the South East European Film Festival (SEEfest) in Los Angeles showcased an impressive lineup of new features and shorts. Lily and Generoso Fierro provide a festival wrap up and their picks for the films that you cannot miss.

  • Justin Townes Earle
    Justin Townes Earle

    Kids In The Street (New West Records). Review by James Mann.

  • Christian Scott
    Christian Scott

    Rebel Ruler (Ropeadope / Stretch Music). Review by Bob Pomeroy.

  • Kivanç Sezer
    Kivanç Sezer

    Turkish director Kivanç Sezer’s powerful debut feature, My Father’s Wings, puts the spotlight on the workplace safety crisis that is currently taking place in his homeland. Lily and Generoso Fierro spoke with Sezer at SEEFest 2017 about his film and his need to draw attention to this issue.

  • Temples
    Temples

    Supporting their just-released sophomore record, UK synth-pop poster boys, Temples, attracted an SRO crowd to one of Orlando’s premier nightspots.

  • Rat Film
    Rat Film

    Baltimore. Rats. A match made in Maryland.

  • Bishop Briggs
    Bishop Briggs

    Bishop Briggs brings a stacked bill of up and comers to Orlando for a sold-out party at The Social. Jen Cray joins in the fun.

From the Archives