Not So Awesome Now…

by Matthew Damascus

Dateline: WCW Monday Nitro

So anyway, big ol’ lazy Kevin Nash was in the ring giving one of his “I’m pretty hip for an old guy, right?” interviews (Chris Jericho, this could be your future if you’re not careful), boring me to death, and suddenly this fucking monster comes into the ring and decapitates him with a clothesline. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Awesome is in the building. What can I say, I was sucked in by the hype and impressed by the execution. It’s one of those surreal moments that ONLY happens in professional wrestling. Felt like one of those comic books where fucking Loki or the Red Skull shows up to fight Spider Man, and it’s a total shock crossover, worlds colliding. For that one moment it worked. Awesome then proceeded to smash a crutch over Nash’s body and flicked off the audience while the announcers sputtered on about how he had an ECW title defense on Thursday. Awesome, rocking the lustrous Bon Jovi mullet WITH fanny pack, and somehow pulling off the look, picked up the mic and…

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This Just In:

The Mike Awesome ECW-WCW negotiations have been a roller coaster ride over the past 72 hours, and the latest twist could conceivably leave Awesome without a home. Moments ago, the second settlement between ECW and WCW regarding Mike Awesome fell apart. Per the second agreement, ECW officials allowed Awesome to appear at tonight’s Thunder taping in exchange for undisclosed concessions from WCW (believed to be plugging Friday’s TNN show on Thunder Wednesday night). Awesome is at the building in Springs, but some sources say Turner officials may ask him to leave due to negotiations falling apart.</b>

(Credit where credit is due to the young fresh fellows at <a href=http://prowrestlingtorch.com>prowrestlingtorch.com</a>)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Does this mean I have to take the last two columns back?

Fuck this, I’m going to bed.

Hey where are you going? Why don’t you read Part I: “Fucking Awesome?”