No Words For My Love

“Love me, sweet, with all thou art, Feeling, thinking, seeing,- Love in the lightest part, Love me in full being.”

–an excerpt from “A Man’s Requirements” by Robert Browning

Look at the very title of this poem by Robert Browning. It’s from one of my favorite books, entitled Love Poems of Elizabeth Barret Browning and Robert Browning . I’ve always been an avid reader of good fiction. I keep it on my bookshelf to remind me that maybe, just maybe, the whole idea of real love between a man and a woman does exist. In my own reality and way of thinking, the whole concept of love between a man and a woman (or a woman and a woman, or a man and a man) is purely fictional. There is no love, but there are hormones… specifically, pheromones. The idea of love is perpetuated by millions of years of songwriters, story writers, poets, artists, and the like that keep the myth alive and well. It simply doesn’t exist… it’s a fairy tale, right up there with Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty . It is fed to us (especially to little girls!) at a very young age with the great, classic tales of the handsome prince, coming along at, oh say, 18-20 years old, on his perfect, white stallion and picking us up (we, of course, are ALL fair maidens that are the very perfection of pure beauty, grace, and innocence) and carrying us away to a glorious castle on yon hill where little fairies sprinkle their “love dust” on each of us and VOILA!!!…we become the perfect parents with perfect children of sweetness and light. Every night, mummy and daddy tuck us into our little beds and read these wonderful stories of love and beautiful princesses and handsome, fearless princes that make all our little, pink, cotton candy dreams come true. We are led to believe – virtually from the womb – that the perfect mate will, indeed, make those dreams a reality.

We ride in our cars with the radios playing those sweet, sweet tunes that tell us that “you are my destiny,” “you light up my life,” “oh, my man, I love him so,” “Oooooo baby, baby,” and it’s ingrained even further. Mummy needs to clean the house, so we are entertained by what? Soap operas on the television. Midday television fare with lots of skin, smooching and crying because love is gone, love is at hand, or love is the answer to everyone’s happiness. We start school and what is the first thing that people ask beyond “What do you learn in school?” The question is, “Have you found a boyfriend (or girlfriend)?” We run around the playground, and the biggest excitement in the whole schoolyard happens when Little Billy tries to steal a kiss from Little Sallie.

Mommy and Daddy never let us see the realities of real marriage. If there is an argument or problems, Mommy and Daddy take it to the bedroom and have it out away from the kiddos, else they discover the real obstacles of “love” and damage their little minds.

We eventually graduate to middle and high school, and suddenly, the hormones kick in. Higher learning and the betterment of one’s self takes a backseat to who we are going to homecoming or prom with that year. Peer pressure is placed upon us, because who you are within the circle of friends depends on who you’re dating and whether or not you’ve “gone all the way” yet. Before you’re even donning the cap and gown to graduate from the lower ranks of education, the whole issue of marriage rears its head, and the pressure starts from Mummy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa to be fruitful and multiply and “give us a grandchild!”

The greatest epic movies revolved around love. The movie Doctor Zhivago , while a great piece on the Russian Revolution and the historical significance of that era, revolves mainly around the love of the good (and handsome!) doctor and Lara (the beautiful blonde vixen). Titanic tells the story of another momentous time in history, but what is it that actually “sells” this film to the public? The love story between Leo and Kate Winslett.

We are brainwashed from the moment we draw in our first breath that love is the ultimate reward. But let’s be honest here, how many of us really ever find it? Precious few. I go back to one of my original statements again, and say I do not believe in love between a man and a woman. Eros love. The kind that is sold to us on Valentine’s Day and in the poems, songs, Harlequin romance novels and the movies. It’s a fallacy. I do believe that there are hormones and sex drives and physical attraction. I do believe in friendships, the love of fellow man, the love of family… but I don’t believe in fairy tale love. It’s a marketing gimmick to sell boxes of candy, flowers, jewelry, and wedding gowns. The greatest and longest lasting marketing campaign ever invented. Yeah, we “fall in love” and it lasts maybe 8-10 years, if you’re really lucky and work hard. Then, the hot flame of passion burns down into a struggling little ember that will last if the two of you are complacent and just too damned lazy to get out and find a new hot flame. Most of the time, around the 8 year period, one or both partners long for that “hot passion” again and we have an affair. Instead of taking it as a reflection of boredom in the relationship and the addiction to passion that we are force fed from birth, the cheated upon partner takes it as a personal insult. The cheated upon wife wails and bemoans the issue with, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have slept with her! I must not be good enough for you! Blah, blah, blah…” That’s not it at all. It’s just that the pheromones got tired of the same beef stew and longed for some steak and eggs. There is no direct fault on the cheated upon’s ability to perform, appearance, or behavior. The cheater just got bored and was feeling the need of confirmation outside the marriage for approval.

Believe it or not, I am one of the very few women in this world that believes polygamy is OK. I’m convinced that one woman is not enough for any man. In fact, I wish it wasn’t illegal. If handled in the proper way and with the proper respect it should be given, it would solve a lot of social problems of “no father in the home.” The right man with the right attitude and respect for women can handle this situation. No, I’m not talking about one man with his choice of sexual partners on any given day. Polygamy is not about sex, contrary to popular belief. A man can have several wives and love them all equally and the wives (if in the right frame of mind and with no problems of jealousy and a desire to “control and own” a man) can become as loving and close as natural born sisters. One of the wives can take the role of homemaker and caregiver of the subsequent children, and the other wives can have their careers, and all can come out satisfied and – believe it or not – happy. This is no situation for a man that is controlling and prone to crash under stress. The man that can make a polygamous marriage situation work has to be compassionate, understanding, gentle, even handed, and have a firm sense of justice. He must be able to juggle the upbringing of children and the loving equally of each wife with fairness and (not to bring religion into the subject, but…) a sincere intent to handle these marriages as God intended it to be handled. God does approve of polygamy, by the way….most of His “chosen” sons were polygamists! This is a whole story in itself, but if God sees nothing wrong with it, then neither do I. I’m all for it!

Love and marriage, as we see it today in our society, is all about lust, in all actuality. It is not the love from the soul and spirit that binds us together as spiritual beings. Love, in our day and time, has turned into what all the poets, songwriters, and such have created in our minds with their lamenting of what is actually a rush of hormones when we lay eyes on a fine-looking piece of flesh and bones. It has nothing at all to do with the soul, as originally intended. It doesn’t involve sacrifice and true-gut giving of oneself to another person. Real love is much higher than anything that we can comprehend in our small, selfish minds, and frankly, most of us have either not learned this, or we are so brainwashed from the love songs, poems, and romance novels shoved down our throats from birth that we simply do not understand and probably never will; at least, in this life. The “love” we see around us everywhere today is nothing but the flesh speaking to us, and we are deaf to the spirit inside of us all. Love, in our day and time, is not beautiful or something that transcends our mortal bodies. It’s “of the earth,” not “of the spirit that is eternal.”

Love and a real marriage doesn’t come when the piece of paper is signed and we raise our hands and swear to be faithful for richer or poorer, and in sickness and health, yadda, yadda, yadda….real love comes when souls link and it doesn’t matter if we ever even get to touch the other person’s skin, feel their kiss on our lips, or look deeply into their eyes. Real love only comes when we are able to connect with the soul and know without questioning that the other person returns that emotion. It won’t matter at all about the things that our bodies desire. It will not become enraged if the other person’s body does things of a sexual nature with another body, because real love does not even include the body at all. It will live eternally past the time our bodies give out and turn to dust and ashes. You can be thousands of miles way from the center of your affection and it won’t make a difference, because both of you will know that the other is still right there inside of each of you linked in spirit. This kind of love just doesn’t exist anymore, and if it does, it is so rare that it’s invisible to our mortal eyes. It’s something that is just too complicated for us to understand. It is just like trying to put the whole universe into a “size” category. It is infinite. It has no beginning or end… it always has been and always will be. It can’t be explained or put into the words of a poem or a song. It is not the stuff of fairy tales and modern day ideas of what love is, because we lost that understanding when we first emerged screaming and crying from our mother’s womb onto this earth. Real love happens somewhere else, but not here.

I say I don’t believe in love between a man and woman, but I do believe in love between two souls or a multitude of souls. I have felt it. The moments were brief and something I can’t put into words, because there are no words to describe those few moments when my soul and the other person’s soul lifted up out of our bodies and linked somewhere far from the world we live in and became part of the Greater Soul in place where there are no directions or a map to find. It was beyond either of our control or even desire to locate. It just happened without warning or reason, and it only lasted for a very short time. But it didn’t end and it never will. It always was and always will be; we just had the opportunity to catch a glimpse of eternity for a few moments and then we were brought back “down to earth” and went our separate ways for this life. It didn’t involve our even touching one another. It was a recognition of the spirit that I say always has been and always will be. We knew and “loved” each other a long time before we ever became flesh and blood human beings on this earth and we will always have that “love” because it is something that was gifted to us forever. No beginning, no end, no words to help anyone else comprehend.

There is no “love” as we understand it in this life. But, there is love that doesn’t come in the marketing ploy of the ages of this time in eternity. Call me a cynic on love or human emotions in general, but what we know and understand on love is simply a fairy tale and a myth. Love is not love at all… but, something that cannot have a word, name, or title placed upon it. There is lust, there is attraction, there are hormones, but there is no such thing as love in this world, because it’s not part of this world. It is somewhere else where we all have been before, and will all return to again, but there is no love with us in the state we are in now. We will all know it one day, just not right now. ◼

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