Belief Means Nothing!

drew West

I believe in mankind’s inability to achieve a higher level of well being. Just turn on the television for any thirty-minute block of local “news.” Honestly, I can’t begin to understand why Freedom of Speech covers the stuff they try to pass off as “news.” The same stories cycle through on a routine basis. Has the lowest common denominator for entertainment become nothing more than a large-scale soap opera of who’s kissing who in Hollywood (dirty sex stories seem to be the hottest items in demand), who’s walking on who in business (“dot this,” “nap that”), and the daily town idiot? You know the news clip. It could be the crook that led police on a 40-mile chase, or Farmer Bob, who was injured while exploring a leaky under-carriage with lighter and lit cigarette. Someone was a dumb-ass today, and damn it if your local news is going to pass up the opportunity to exploit it. Never mind if your apartment complex just burned to the ground, they appear like vultures, waiting for the moment someone becomes the perfect idiot. Stupidity is entertainment!

I believe mankind is growing dumber every minute of every day. We need smarter people! We need quality, not quantity. I like a good laugh every now and again (“Jerry, Jerry!”), but it frightens me to think of how many idiots exist. We need to pay teachers their real value. They can help educate your children, but it is a two way street. Parents need to start encouraging their children to learn. I know many parents that do, but I certainly don’t see it as a wide spread effort. We achieve nothing without some level of knowledge.

I believe in the Discipline of DE, as explained by William S. Burroughs in Exterminator. Say what you will about the man, but you cannot deny the brilliance within him. There is something unique, intriguing, and utterly mind-altering with his writing. DE or “do easy” is a lifestyle. Expend only the minimum effort required on daily tasks such as lighting a cigarette, tossing away paper, or ironing your clothes. It leaves so much more time at the end of the day to explore other interests. DE should become a national motto. So what if the guy shot his wife while “high” on bug powder. All artists are tortured with some affliction. Why exploit it? Does it really affect you if some sitcom star hires a prostitute? Come on! We all have our addictions.

From the time I get up in the morning, I believe that nothing more than a pot of coffee will sort my head out of confusion. It’s usually best to mix in a healthy selection of music to kick off the day while you’re at it. If I died at this moment, they’d find me with more coffee in my system than blood. I’m convinced of it every time I get a headache because I opted to skip out on the morning brew. It looks an awful lot like an addiction. Caffeine. “Mother/Father” Caffeine. Salvation in a brown liquid. My daily nicotine consumption is an addiction as well. Do they harm me? Hell yes they do! I’m not so blind as to believe that inhaling smoke all day isn’t going to cause me harm, but I’m sure as hell not going to sue RJ Reynolds because they didn’t warn me. Look at what I’m buying, for Christ’s sake! Dumb-ass people everywhere! Yeah, me included. At least I admit to “The Truth.” I like the way I feel while smoking, and I’m willing to sacrifice my health to do it. I’ll try and minimize the impact on you.

I believe that everyone has free will. Yes, you do. If I’m outside smoking, you can go elsewhere. I have free will, too. I can move downwind so you don’t have to smell it. This same theory of courtesy can be applied elsewhere. Sure, Quake 3 and Unreal Tournament have great graphics when it comes to killing your best friend. However, this doesn’t mean that you should try it with your dad’s shotgun. That’s free will. Free will allows you to do it. It swings into education. Do you own a gun? Cool. Got kids? Well in that case, keep the weapon locked up so a curious seven-year-old cannot blow his head off with it. Dumb-asses, all of them. The Darwin Awards are by far the best thing we’ve got going regarding the true idiocy of mankind. So if by chance, an “accident” does indeed happen, oh well. No one should deny another the right to own a gun, but if you choose to own a gun, it comes with some responsibilities. Those that cannot handle it, well, at some point, hopefully, they will eliminate themselves from the gene pool. Traffic, however, is one thing that urges me to “accelerate” the process.

Every time I have to drive Atlanta’s “Spaghetti Junction” in rush hour traffic, I believe this civilization shall crumble just like the Romans. Oh, there will still be growth. Evolution will continue, but you cannot seriously believe that we can sustain this growth rate given our present consumption. Ebola does eventually die when the host dies. The Earth is our host. One way or another, she will die. If we haven’t learned to take care of her, there is no way we are going to make it on another planet. I’d volunteer in a heartbeat to live on the moon, alone, for a year or more. I have no problems with being on the moon or being alone. Actually, the combination sounds wonderful! I have a couple of easy rules. Give me extra CO2 scrubbers and air filters. I want four to five times the normal required amount. I’ll need them while I enjoy a cigarette every time I look out a window. Oh yeah, I’ll need some sort of wide bandwidth connection. I’m not downloading porn over the equivalent of a 9600-baud modem. I want at least a 512kb/s both ways. I want to play Quake 3 online while downloading all that the Internet has to offer. Just like the Romans. Sex and violence, or as Perry Farrell says, “Sex is Violent.” Lead pipes helped their decay. Will computers be ours?

With that, I offer forth my beliefs, as stated in the doctrine of Selfish Me. I believe there is some higher being that I cannot understand. I believe there is life on other planets. I believe in the power of dumb-asses universally. I believe in the Futility of Existence and the Essence of Nothingness. I believe in giving back more than I take. I believe that no one can live up to your own expectations, including yourself. I believe in the acquisition of dreams. I believe that each and every one of us controls our own destiny. I believe that even you, the reader, can contribute something good to the world at large.

Now get off your ass and do something. Doing and believing are two entirely different beasts. ◼