Features

Top 19 Reasons Why 2001 Basically Sucked

1) Finished studies, started working.

Going into work is easily the worst career move ever, so why do people keep on doing it? This year I tried it full time, and – no surprise – it didn’t do it for me, either. “Work” is the most overrated concept ever.

“crue”

2) Mötley Crüe writes best-selling book.

After years of decreasing popularity and increasing fat, Mötley Crüe turns to… literature! You think it’s a good thing Harry Potter turned kids onto reading again? Well, this is the book they’ll be picking up in a year or two. Be afraid…

3) American Pie 2

Last year, humor seemed like a rather good idea. Then they made this one.

4) Temptation Island

‘Nuff said.

5) Mountain trip

Not only was it a dumb idea in the first place, I ended up lost in god-knows-where, with a hurt knee in the process. Nature is not all it’s hyped up to be. Take it from someone who’s seen it up close.

6) The ’80s are back (again)

Everyone knows that 1980-87 kicked major fashion butt. So how come it’s the crappy 1988-89 that’s being revisited over and over again?

7) Peace and love experience serious set-backs

With George Harrison’s tragic passing, the ’60s are officially over. Sept. 11th and everything that followed seriously questioned the existence of human goodness.

“britney”

8) Nudity = credibility

Britney Spears’ attempt at gaining credibility resulted in a video where she wore next to nothing. The media commented that, although the single wasn’t the hottest thing ever, her new image showed a more serious, mature artist. Can’t believe that John Cage didn’t think of it first.

9) Money being discussed in a lively manner

Investments and the stock market are the topics of the year. Now everyone has a strong opinion on fur trading in Madagascar. A sad year for dinner parties.

10) Human cloned

Taking the best excuse there ever was out of sex. And aren’t there enough of us as it is?

11) The death of logic

“No Logo”-tees spotted.

12) Smoking still uncool

If smoking made one look cool, instant coolness could be immediately accessible to everyone. As it is, you’ll be ridiculed for even thinking about it – and, if that wasn’t bad enough, you’ll probably die from it. Annoying, isn’t it?

13) New Year’s Eve

Although it hasn’t arrived quite yet, you know it’s gonna suck when it finally does. Why change a losing team?

14) The decline of Western civilization

Showing an alarming decrease in visits to theatres, dance performances, and art exhibitions from the top year of 2000, this year brought back my true self – one more concerned with the luxury of television than the insights and beauty of the high arts. Oh well.

“elvis”

15) Elvis still possibly dead

Elvis didn’t reveal himself as being, in fact, alive this year either. Does this mean that there may be a grain of truth to the petty rumors going around, saying he’s passed away? Still not convinced.

16) Underworld not yet a movie

Why did Don DeLillo have to make it so long? The document of an era? Maybe, but come on, anyone have the time to read it?

17) Rain

And loads of it. Why?

18) Not being sued

Everyone else is getting sued but me. Hey, I’ve done stuff! Respect my acts of crime! Sue me!

“warrant”

19) No comeback for glam metal

The promised Second Coming of ’80s LA metal, spandex, and high-pitched screaming never came to be. 2002, maybe? Our hopes are high. ◼


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