Don’t Be Alarmed, They Just Want Your Money

by Chuck Bantam

I woke up this morning with a thousand things to do. I had to go shopping, clean my truck, pay some bills, and, of course, go to work. By the end of the day I realized I had spent over $1,000. No shit. Is this normal? Am I a money machine or am I a human being?

If I am a human being, what does that mean anyway? I think it means that I’m livestock. I’m part of the herd because humans definitely have been treated like cattle in the past. Just go to Mardi Gras and watch them shit on their morals. I’m not kidding, these freaks will strip for a bunch of plastic fastened to a string with a 3-cent value. I’ve watched them play Simon Says in huge numbers just hoping that some beads wil fly their direction. I saw over two hundred people stand on one foot and make noises like chickens. People, please stop it, I’ll buy you some fucking beads! My god! Is this somone’s idea of fun, because to me it can be quite scary. Quite.

Then I realize it’s all a trick and it’s actually sort of brilliant. A little voice comes on in my head and says, “Don’t be alarmed- they just want your money”. While they have hypnotized everyone into chicken puppets for beads, they have also been saying things, haven’t they? They have been telling everyone to eat at different places around that sell food. They advise the adults to buy adult beverages that, in truth, cost less then the cup that you have to buy in order to carry it around. It’s a lifetime souvenir, I suppose. This is someone’s plan to get thousands of people to just show up and give them money after humiliating them all and making them into slaves and it works. I guess that’s the scary part.

I know that most people bust their asses to make a living. Most of us don’t even like our jobs. We want to go out and relax and have time to ourselves after work, but we can’t do that without spending money, now can we? When we go out, we become confronted by someone else’s way to make a living. It’s a big circle and I don’t think it’s a natural one. Call me crazy, but I don’t think people would work jobs that they hated every day if they didn’t have bills; if they weren’t being forced to pay bills I should say.

There is this lunatic on television dressed like the Riddler from Batman and I don’t think he even knows it. He is very scary. He is way too excited about some mysterious ways he has found to get money from the government. I’m sure you’ve seen him, he’s got question marks all over his suit and he wears glasses(at least for the commercial). I get the feeling that his parents kicked his ass a bunch when he was little. I think kids in high school beat him up a lot as well. I think that if I was around him for too long, my hand would probably fly off and just start hitting him, or I might kick him or something, but I’m losing my train of thought here. The man looks like he needs help…..or a beating of some sort. He claims to want to help me but I see through that shit. In order for me to ride his fun bus made of free money from the government I have to give him hard-earned money from Chuck Bantam. This guy can’t help.

I guess when I think about it, nowadays being human is being a money machine. These machines will do whatever it takes to make it. People are trying everything to stay on top and it isn’t their fault that sometimes they come out looking like freaks. These machines are also made of flesh and bone so they tire, and get careless about what they spend their money on. They become freaks this way too. There may have been a time when being human ment more that that, but that time is gone. So either we kill the government, have total anarchy and eventually get taken over by some other country or we play by the rules and find some other way to feel free from all of this. At least we’re machines with the ability to think.