Don’t Be So High All Of The Time

by Chuck Bantam

You were going on and on about your ridiculous story the other day. I heard you complaining to everyone about how this freakin’ moron cut you off while you were driving. You couldn’t believe the nerve of some assholes on the road. You even boasted about how you wish you could have chased him, ran him down and screamed to him just exactly what he did wrong. Man, you were high.

I was with you during that near accident. There is a big part of the story that your short term memory keeps forgetting. You told that asshole to go ahead. We were in a turning lane that had the option of going straight. To the left of us was the infamous driver also in a turning lane only he had no choice but to go left. He signaled for you to roll down your window. You did. Then he asked you if you would allow him to get in front of you because he wanted to go straight. You nodded and waved him through. This event couldn’t happen just yet because we still had to wait for the light to turn green before anyone could move. Just enough time for you to forget you even had a conversation with another driver. The light turned, you went left, he went straight, you locked up the brakes, I thought we were gonna die, some words were exchanged, end of story.

You’re gonna fucking kill somebody someday. Or maybe even yourself. Don’t be so high all of the time. You’re peculiar when you’re high. When we are talking I can see in your eyes the exact point at which I’ve lost you. It is even funnier when you lose me because you can never remember what you were talking about or what your point was, so it’s impossible to start over. How do you expect to get around living like that? There are things in life you have to pay attention to; like keeping a vehicle on the road for example.

I’ll shift off the driving topic. I know that it’s actually safer to drive stoned than it is to drive drunk. Let’s talk about the stupidity factor. There is a lot of humor in your ability to be a big dumb idiot all of the time, but there is something about it that doesn’t seem right to me. Take the other day for example. You were upset with me because I didn’t say hi to you earlier that afternoon.

“I didn’t see you earlier this afternoon,” I said.

“Yeah you did. You got out of a red car and you looked right at me. I waved but you didn’t wave back.”

“That wasn’t me,” I said “I have a green truck.”

“Yeah, but you were in a red car.”

“No…….I wasn’t.”

“IT WAS YOU!”

This went on for about ten minutes. I admit it was funny, but where the hell is your head sometimes? That is some scary shit. You would not let off. Finally, I gave in and said it was me but you could tell that I didn’t mean it and you kept on. The brilliance of the whole thing was when your roomate finally opened his mouth and confessed that it was him you saw and that he was just messing with you by not waving. Some of us want off this planet and some of us are, i guess.

I believe marijuana has its purpose and can be a good thing. I hear you can make three times the amount of paper from a hemp tree. I hear it is good for glaucoma. I know it is prescribed in rare cases by doctors. In my experiences I’ve never seen a person want to get in a fight when they are high as opposed to alcohol. I’ve never seen anyone puke from being high or have a hangover the next day. I’ve never heard of an overdose of weed killing anyone. But I don’t think it is wise to be on it all of the time. There’s a reason I feel this way, but right now I can’t remember.