Jason X

Jason X

Directed by Jim Isaac

Starring Lexa Doig, Kane Hodder, Lisa Ryder, Chuck Campbell

The year is 2455. Earth is as desolate as a buffet after a visit by Pavarotti. A space crew investigating the old planet stumbles upon a cryogenic research facility, with two humans, a striking female and the missing link, still intact, yet frozen inside its icy chambers. Being naive, yet risktaking folks, the team snatches both bodies and for “research” purposes, brings them back to their base, which appears to be an upgraded version of the space station Mir.

Thus, the group sets off a chain of events in an atmosphere where no one hear your screams, except the ones from us in the audience reacting to how over-the-top ridiculous this film really is. Yes, horror fiends, our favorite (actually, only) hockey-masked slasher himself, Jason Voorhees, has returned for an unprecedented NINTH time. Like Hellraiser and Leprechaun before it, the creative team behind this opus collectively decided to venture beyond our planet and ultimately kill the series with a premise that can only be summed up as derivative, mindless, and yet somehow, fun as hell. What else could one expect?

The producers must have dropped the continuity aspect after Part 7, because if we take a look at the last three Friday films, Jason’s not only exhumed time and time again, but somehow changes shape AND age.

Jason 8: Manhattan — Turns into a little boy (?!?) at the end, yet… Jason 9 — He somehow resurfaces as his incredibly decayed, rotund self at the very beginning. Gets wrestled into hell by Freddy of all ghouls near conclusion, setting the stage for Jason Vs. Freddy. Jason X — Somehow winds up in 2008, bound in chains, at a research facility in Crystal Lake. Where’s Freddy?

See folks, with the Friday The 13th series, and most badly made, guilty pleasure horror in general, all reality and errors must be set aside, because after all, something must explain this series’ enduring success. That’s why Jason X tastes so bitter on first viewing, but truly hits you with its sheer mad genius only after you’ve left the theater shaking your head and scraping the lint out of your wallet after forking over the eight or nine dollars. But I’m almost certain I’ve figured it out.

They’ve assembled a cast of Canadian no-names and a stunt guy to basically mock the series, with Jason as its real victim. Blanketing the giant cliché with a sci-fi narrative, filled with cellular regeneration, an android, some utterly insipid — and of course, horny — student scientists, a gung-ho paramilitary squad, and Jason as their predator and target, X is almost a Sci-Fi Channel movie of the week gone awry. Yes, the trademark multiple murders are ever-present. Voorhees uses futuristic tools — including liquid nitrogen — to quench his blood thirst, and the kills are as gory and entertaining as they’ve ever been. But when the masked madman enhances himself, it will evoke such a mixed reaction, from groans to ecstasy, at the detour this campy (pun intended) saga has taken.

With more one-liners and puns than Batman & Robin and every Bruce Willis film combined, the dialogue of Jason X will only leave you laughing hysterically wondering if the person actually just uttered what they did. Despite its vapid progression, X marks both a change in the storyline, and an interesting turn of events in the franchise, including a brief cameo by eccentric genre man David Cronenberg. But, this is primarily a horror-comedy of errors with a few passable moments, and it barely works on any level, except when you shut them all off. In any other circumstance, I’ve seen better film on teeth. The scariest part is that this series will most likely continue into 2455. Pass the popcorn.

Jason X: http://www.jasonx.com

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