The Sound of the Crowd

The hand is quicker than the eye

John Ashcroft has turned in his letter of resignation as attorney general. His parting words? “The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.”

Well, no wonder, with a record like John Ashcroft’s got. Those of you playing at home will remember that in his four-year tenure, Ashcroft:

Said the war in Iraq was too so justified, whether we ever find the WMD or not. Because, after all, we know that Hussien did once have chemical weapons. And how do we know this? Because we sold them to him. Shh.

Tried to pass the buck for 9/11 to the Clinton administration.

Covered the breast of the statue of justice with a curtain, at a cost of some $8,000 to the taxpayer.

Refused to turn over documents (specifically, memos about American solders engaging in torture) to the senate that he was legally required to provide. While insisting he wasn’t invoking executive privilege.

Detained 5,000 people in the name of “anti-terrorism,” resulting in no convictions whatsoever.

See just how secure and safe we are here.


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