Music Reviews

Love Metal

Twelve Classic Heavy Metal Hits


Um, what the fuck? Let me say this: David Lee Beowulf has guilty pleasures, the two musical guilty pleasures are power pop music and hairfarming heavy metal. The latter does not include heavy metal “ballads,” however. Those being the “gay” love songs that are, in a word, lame.

This album does not belong in anyone’s collection as a) you’ve heard them already and b) some of the songs “suck.” The good songs are: Quiet Riot’s “Cum on Feel the Noize” and The Scorpions’ “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” The GREAT songs, and they are great, in terms of heavy metal standout-ness, headbanging-ness, and chick-magnet-ness are Ratt’s “Round And Round,” Autograph’s “Turn Up the Radio,” Cinderella’s Shake Me,” and Tesla’s Modern Day Cowboy.” These songs get the label “great” because they are heavy, they have excellent guitars, heavy metal vocals and flat out rock. The poser songs that blow on this album do not deserve mention, but I will say that Extreme’s “Hole Hearted” is on here. Technically, I am not qualified to comment on an artist’s songwriting ability, and frankly, Nuno and co. did what they did very well and made a lot of money, but I know what I like, and “Hole Hearted” is fucking lame, and is a good reason to change the radio station, if you know what I mean.

What simply does not belong on this thing is Anthrax’s rendition, with Public Enemy, of “Bring The Noise.” if they wanted an appropriate Anthrax song, they should have gone with “Anti-Social” – appropriate based on time period and the fact that it got more than the usual attention paid to it. Oh, did I mention that the liner includes the pop chart position of each track? They don’t include one for Anthrax.

Finally, don’t buy this album. Don’t buy it because you’re only making some bastard who owns the masters rich, not the bands.

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