Screen Reviews
I’m Too Old For This Sh*t: A Heavy Metal Fairy Tale Documentary

I’m Too Old For This Sh*t: A Heavy Metal Fairy Tale Documentary

directed by Nathan Mowery

starring Ed Aborn, Doug Lee, Gregg Culbertson, Todd Grubbs, Hal Dunn, Chris Jericho, Rich Ward, Ronnie Galetti

Red Arrow Studios

“I figured it would go one of two ways… it would be a major shit show OR the best feel-good story ever,” says producer and multi media icon, Chris Jericho, of his just-released debut film project, I’m Too Old For This Sh*t. Fortunately, for the metal band Siren, their longtime fans and their potential flock of faithful new followers, Jericho was spot-on with his latter assessment.

Whether or not you’re familiar with the veteran Florida-based brigade is irrelevant, as this documentary film is bigger than the band — it’s all about a story — a “feel-good story” about people, personal relationships and the pursuit of a seemingly unachievable dream.

The story of Siren begins like countless others; a group of rock-crazed teens come together in the early ’80s on a mission to attain fame and fortune. They give it their all, only to crash and burn just a few years later — victims of typical intra band conflicts and sketchy side maneuvers. However, Siren had worked diligently in their day — rehearsing tirelessly, performing frequently, releasing music independently and — making global contacts during the glorious pre-Internet era of fanzines, hardcopy promo packs and cassette demos. Sadly, the Siren saga ends there — just another ancient story of shattered dreams. Uh, hang on, pardner — not so fast.

Little did the band members know, but the seeds they planted in the ’80s finally would reap a harvest — more than 30 years later. And that’s when this tale truly pops. While times have changed and trends have come and gone almost everywhere else, the popularity of old school, sweat-soaked, skull-crushing, long-haired, denim-clad heavy metal has remained alive and well throughout the European underground scene. And since disbanding back in the late ’80s, the legend of Siren in Europe not only survived the decades, it thrived. Who knew?

Directed by Nathan Mowery, this compelling documentary follows Siren drummer Ed Aborn, frontman Doug Lee, bassist Gregg Culbertson and guitarists Todd Grubbs and Hal Dunn as they’re snatched suddenly from the grasp of their “normal” suburban lives and plunged back into the fast lane.

Now all in their 50s, the five members’ sights had been focused far more on the expiration dates of their AARP cards than ever reliving their rock and roll dreams — that is until they’re rediscovered and re-energized by rabid overseas disciples via social media. In short order, Siren is resurrected and reunited. While struggling to adapt to the modern day, tech-savvy music scene, they relaunch the Siren brand — relearning their songs, rehearsing and returning to the stage of their hometown tavern — all culminating in a 2018 main stage performance at Germany’s famed annual Keep It True Festival — if they can get through Customs, if they don’t miss the shuttle and if they don’t lose Gregg.

Along the way, the narrative is reinforced by heartfelt endorsements from members of such heavy-hitting combos as Fozzy, Nasty Savage and Oblivion, as well as by passionate testimonials from a slew of international fans.

“The dream came late but, it was beyond our wildest expectations,” Aburn states at the conclusion. And that’s the film’s payoff — a powerful message of inspiration that speaks LOUDLY to anyone pursuing a personal passion — you’re NEVER “too old” to achieve a dream. Doggonit, that’s good!

I’m Too Old For This Sh*t is available NOW on various streaming platforms via Gravitas Venture. (Run Time: 89 minutes)

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