White Stripes and Green Backs
by Unbalanced Breakfast
HisCheapMoves: Did you just see the White Stripes on SNL?
kittydeathstar: last minute or so… MadTV had a “sidesplitter” of a skit on … or something….
HisCheapMoves: All of a sudden, I feel like having a Pina Colada.
kittydeathstar: I too, suddenly think that my thirst can only be cured by a Bacardi product….
Twotoneboy: I’m just amazed that a respected Senator like McCain has made fun of both Hispanics and the Irish.
HisCheapMoves: He’s an equal opportunity offender.
HisCheapMoves: Oh, look, the White $tripe$. God, I need a drink.
kittydeathstar: I am just parched…..
Twotoneboy: I have a sudden urge to shop at the Gap, myself. I know I’m dying to dress like Willie Nelson
kittydeathstar: Or be a mediocre alt.country camera mugger.
“Smith + White”Twotoneboy: Yeah, Kitty… did Jack White wear all that Robert Smith makeup he’s wearing tonight back when you saw him? Man, that close-up was SCARY!
kittydeathstar: No, is he wearing a wig or something? I was all like YES Echo and the Bunnymen!
Twotoneboy: Not sure, but the Robert Smith resemblance is uncanny.
HisCheapMoves: Well, I think now that the Stripes have been on SNL, the indie backlash can officially begin. Kitty, tell the fans about the Stripes concert… you know, for the fans.
Twotoneboy: Personally, Im waiting for the Celebrity Death Match between Jack White and Jack Black.
HisCheapMoves: With KG and Meg tag-teaming.
kittydeathstar: No, that’s a mutual appreciation society – Black even wrote a haiku about White….. in Spin! *barf*
Twotoneboy: The D would still kick their asses.
kittydeathstar: So the band of the people, the White Stripes, is gonna do this impromptu free gig in NYC Union Square… and crowds come … and it’s all edgy, all U2 on that rooftop, and that um, other band that did it first, whatever… So they’re all for the fans… free… yeah!… Rock and Roll…
kittydeathstar: Cops shut it down! Danger! But not too much!
kittydeathstar: Turns out, the shit was sponsored by fucking Nissan and the Stripes pocketed six figures for an hour of “edgy” garage rock…..
HisCheapMoves: I think they failed the audition.
Twotoneboy: It would have to be N’Sync to be dangerous. Do the White Stripes have enough fans to constitute a “mob”?
kittydeathstar: Nissan has a lot of employees….. this is part of the Z-tour apparently. Get this! From MTV.con — “A new 350Z has been a fixture on the tour since the onset, and each band that’s played has adorned it with their autographs.
kittydeathstar: Is the 350Z handling bass duties now?
Twotoneboy: I want to start a supergroup made up of all the artificial members of other bands: the Package, Echo, TMBG’s old drum machine… Sammy Hagar (that is, if he’s not too busy on Hollywood Squares)…
kittydeathstar: Rick Wakeman’s *boss* cape
HisCheapMoves: Don’t forget all of Depeche Mode.
Twotoneboy: How far have you fallen when you used to be the singer of Van Halen and now you’re “Sammy Hagar for the block” between Carrot Top and Evander Hollyfield? I mean, I’d have expected it from David Lee Roth… hell, I’d have ADMIRED it from Roth. He never made any bones about being “America’s favorite TV game show host.”
kittydeathstar: I wonder if he ever shilled Nissans…..
Twotoneboy: Van Halen shilled Crystal Pepsi….
HisCheapMoves: David Lee Roth would have caught the set on fire the first week.
Twotoneboy: Yes, but on the bright side, he’d have taken Carrot Top and the guy from “Everybody Loves Raymond” with him. By the way, that titles a lie. I don’t know ANYone who loves Raymond.
HisCheapMoves: No! TV wouldn’t lie to us.
Twotoneboy: TV is telling us that New Found Glory are hot. TV lies. I remember when New Found GLory were a shitty band from Miami that we made fun of. They still are, but now they’re on MTV. Oh, and when did they drop the “A”?
kittydeathstar: In Kerrang! every single week.
Twotoneboy: Are they? Man, I remember when Kerrang! was METAL! What happened?
kittydeathstar: When they stopped spelling every word that started with “c” to “k” the downhill slide was inevitable…… kerrrazy bad these days.
Twotoneboy: So now they just suck korporate kok?
kittydeathstar: I don’t even think they’re that smart… I think they just SUKKK and have shitty “hip” editors with bad taste… Hence New Found Glory… and Sum 41 being hailed continously…..
Twotoneboy: Yeesh. At least Sum 41 do that faux metal thing. I guess when Rob Halford came out, Kerrang! just gave up.
kittydeathstar: sad times…. for denim
Twotoneboy: There’s still Terrorizer. Or Metal Maniacs.
kittydeathstar: Both of which RULE!
Twotoneboy: That’s ’cause Nathan Birk is all over ’em. Nathan rules.
kittydeathstar: I believe Ink 19 has an alum at both as well. Oh you beat me, dick. What an uppity guest…..
Twotoneboy: Hey, give props to the Ink 19 alums whenever possible, I says. And on that, I’m outta here.
HisCheapMoves: Hey, I just noticed…
HisCheapMoves: White $tripe$ … look what’s left over when you take away those ‘s’s.
kittydeathstar: I’ll drink to that….. Now where’s my fucking Bacardi?